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I have lied to every single person who is reading this, and for that, I am sorry. I fooled you all by using fake similes and false truths. I have decived you so well I began believing myself. I am not okay. I will NEVER be 'okay'. I have always been alive, but I have not been living.

Life is merely a play in which we are forced to take part in. We are all actors and actoresses, whether we chose it or not. We perform with our plastered smiled and painted emotions. We dance about, trying to forget we're performing in front of an empty audience. Lie to ourselves that someone will come to watch. We are only amusement to retired performers. We are puppets.

I hate it here. I hate smiling at the exit sign. I hate dancing around, acting like things will be alright. I hate grininng through out the pain. I hate surviring through it all. I am hanging by cement strings, dangling twisted and deformed above a non-existant crowd. I lay limp, praying for my strings to break. I am weak, straining to stay alive. I know somebody will come when a stranger wonders into our playhouse and saves us all. I hope that day comes soon.





*Speaking of plays, I am currently writing a vampire play that, I hope, will be performed by the drama class next semister. If you have any sugguestions or ideas, please feel free to message and tell me. Thanks!



^.^

The way he kills me is so silently. Entangled with loving words and phases of care. He makes me feel so free, but yet he doesn't even see me. I want to save him from everything he endures. I want to protect him, holding him till end of time. Sparing him any more pain. My heart beats a thousand time waiting for his reply. When it comes, I jump on it like a starving bird. I'm always so eager to know what he thinks.He's still a mystery to me. Unpredictable and self-less. Trying to desect him, is harder than a million piece puzzle. But I don't wanna know. I don't wanna know how he truely feels. Because I'm afraid. Afriad he's been lying all along. Afraid he doesn't care or see anything beautiful in my horrible self. Afraid he never meant to say I love you. Afraid he's in love with another. But most of all, I'm afraid of what he'd say if he knew how much I truely cared.